Riff and The Big Hairy Man in the Red Suit

In addition to making my daily 1,600-word NaNoWriMo quota, writing newsletter copy, gearing up for teacher conferences, and dodging snow flurries, my children — Issa and Riff — are talking up a storm about that big hairy man in the red suit.

I don’t know about you. In our house, discussion has centered upon top items for their wishlists, Santa’s arrival date and time, and where Santa should leave their packages this year. It’s almost like the guy lives out his days on CNN and in the National Enquirer.

Just today, Riff asked…

  1. Will Santa would get me off the school bus when I get home today?
  2. What happens if I wake up and see Santa on Christmas Eve?
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My Top 10 Snarl List

These 10 include people, behaviors, and music that are most likely to elicit a snarl or two from me. I’m sure you have a Top 10. I would love to read yours.

1. Simultaneous, impatient demand for my undivided attention. I say, take a number and wait. Your request for attention will be considered in the order it was received. Now, suck it up and get in line.

2.When my children or husband ignore, forget, debate or protest valid, simple, reasonable instructions. I am all for questioning authority as long as it is not mine.

3. Rude, oblivious, distracted people. They are on our roads and all public places. There are so many. Why?

4. Zhu Zhu Pet hamster speak. Why did Santa Claus bring our family six of these; and then tell our neighbors another two of three would be just swell? Here is my theory. He was baked.

5. Ted Nugent’s Cat Scratch Fever. This song makes me feel like sticking a fork my eyeballs. And, I do not think about harming myself in any way, ever.

6. Consumer and media addiction to the stupid and irrelevant. Machetes, tiger blood, and crack do not make a sick man funny.

7. When I extend an invitation and do not ever receive a response. Since, I have violated this one and do not have an excuse except severe neglect of etiquette, I try to cut slack. But, multiple time offenders are off my A-list.

8. American Chopper: Senior vs Junior. My husband and I were avid fans of the original series because it told a good story about how hard work, creativity, and savvy marketing could grow a small business to tremendous success. But, then… all the constant infighting became old and nerve-racking.

9. Ask for my opinion, and then completely ignore — don’t even listen to or consider — what I have to say. If you’re not really interested in my opinion, don’t ask! Don’t pretend you care about what I think?

10. Overly competitive people. Healthy competition at work, school and play is okay. However, it bothers me when people make it their life-mission to out-do or even keep pace with having the same material possessions, luxuries, vacations, cars, chaotic after-school schedules, etc. as their neighbors, family and friends.