Real Housewife Business Advice

I am going to start my post with a confession. Each Tuesday night I watch the Real Housewives of Orange County (OC). It is usually pure escapism with some jaw-dropping shockers added to feed my addiction. However, a portion of the episode this week actually connected with something I experienced myself when I became a new parent.

The newest cast member to the OC series, Heather and two of her girlfriends (not cast members) want to maintain their professional talents while also carrying out duties as full-time, stay-at-home moms. This encouraged the three to consider opening a restaurant in OC, which prompted them to seek advice from a successful chef/restaurant owner in LA as well as from cast members Vicky and Tamra.

Heather and her girlfriends continuously said their motivation to open a restaurant stemmed from the desire for more time out of the home, with each other, and away from their children. Vicky and Tamra both shuttered when it became evident Heather and her girlfriends did not have a business plan or anything in writing hashing out what their roles would be, a marketing plan, or other details pertinent to running a business. Despite Vicky’s repeated attempts to offer insight on the realities she experiences as a business owner, Heather and her girlfriends appeared to see her very valid points as a negative attitude.

I can relate to Heather and her girlfriends; and I can relate to Vicky. When I was new to parenthood, I took sought the same life balance: full-time career plus full-time parenthood. Heck, there are plenty of women business owners out there who make this balancing act look like a cake walk. But, what I didn’t acknowledge is that many of these women employ help at home and work; we’re not all blessed with the same treasure trove of superpowers; and owning/running a business is much more than a full-time career. It is a lifestyle that one must embody and stick with.

While I can appreciate Heather’s need for a sideline of cheerleaders, Vicky’s advice was spot-on. A dose of honesty when one is looking to make a significant financial and personal investment is necessary. Vicky asked pointed questions about developing a business plan, about writing a basic legal document to divide business ownership responsibilities, and about the time commitment required to achieve success.

While I have never pursued restaurant ownership, I did pursue a small business venture with my husband. Upon giving birth to Issa more than nine years ago, we started off in the right direction. We drafted a business plan, marketing strategies, branding ideas, and ownership requirements.

Upon finishing the business plan, my husband and I made our first serious misstep. We did not have experienced business owners read through our plan; and we did not solicit their advice on the goals we set for the business. Had we taken this step, I am confident our plan would have been rewritten to contain realistic, achievable, measurable goals. Instead, we became impatient to just get on with business and ignored this very critical part of the business development process. This decision ultimately doomed our business to failure.

I learned owning and running a business was both rewarding and tough. The rewards included an active social life with opportunities to become acquainted with leading private and public figures in my community. A tough lesson involved a reality check about the intense time commitment required. Had I been more realistic about the time commitment involved, I would have delayed any kind of business ownership until my children were older. For me, owning a business and being at home full-time just didn’t click. I could not afford the necessary outside help at home or work; and the stress of juggling business, family and household demands became unbearable.

A choice had to be made: keep the business and be an out-of-touch parent; or close the business and be an active parent. My choice was the later. This doesn’t mean my choice fits every women faced with making a similar decision. The way I describe my choices is probably a bit harsh because there are women out there who stay at home and who are successful business owners. Also, I am not adverse to trying my hand at business ownership again; I just need to be mindful of reality was well as the necessary steps to ensure success.

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Outta My Chair

The one constant I love about parenting is being on-the-go from the time I rise until my head hits the pillow at night or in the wee morning hours. Before children, life was not dull. I was on-the-go until I arrived at my office cubicle. Once there, I sat for hours — sometimes until late evening — managing event details, carrying out lead generation strategies, and crafting presentations to incite prospective blue chip companies to pick my employer as their information technology solution provider.

When Issa was born nine years ago, my uninterrupted, three-hour sessions in my writer’s chair disappeared. That’s not to say I don’t write or work on professional ambitions. It just means I adapt to their schedules and needs. A lifestyle with children prompted me to get outta my chair, which is a change I embrace every day.

While I can do without the added housework children bring into the picture, I love the spontaneity they bring to daily life. Not one day is the same as another.

While outta my chair today, I worked out, helped Riff finish a craft project for his afternoon preschool class, went to the store, donated blood, took Issa to a reading tutor, played chase with Riff, made meals, babysat a neighbor’s children, and read stories to my children,

On-the-fly writing works for me. I write in the moment of whatever I am living. It gives me the opportunity to relax my posting schedule a bit so that I can learn a thing or two about myself, others and life.

Change vs. Stagnation

I watch the ripples change their size, but never leave the stream of warm impermanence. And, so, the days float through my eyes. But, still the days seem the same. And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They’re quite aware of what they’re going through.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes. Turn and face the strain. Ch-ch-Changes.  Don’t tell t hem to grow up and out of it. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes.  Turn and face the strain. Ch-ch-Changes. Where’s your shame. You’ve left us up to our necks in it. Time may change me. But you can’t trace time. 

— David Bowie,  Lyrics from Changes

For some reason I am okay with change. In fact, when I see it’s necessary, I usually step forward, adapt and prevail. What else can one do?

That’s not to say I don’t think carefully about the issues involved. Significant changes such as sending children to a new school, moving to a different home, switching employers, leaving a profession, or adding family members often require swift forethought. In order to be successful, transition calls for proper consultation, preparation and management of all impacted.

I’m thinking about change because it is constant in my world. Ever since I took my first breath, life dazzles, amazes, teaches, twists, bends, whirls, chills, blows, sucks, and disappoints. What about yours?

I call it beautiful chaos. Yes, I think I borrowed that phrase from a famous celebrity couple. If you can guess who, pat yourself on the back. Sorry, no prizes or cookies available.

What other choice is there? Stagnation. I agree. Change messes with routine, takes us out of our “normal” environments (whatever those are) and pushes us to step out of our comfort zones.

Sometimes staying the course is the right path. But, its important not to fear moving in a new direction. I remember all the employer changes I went through my first year out of college. Monster.com’s slogan, never settle, described my determination to find the right employer with the right opportunities to build my skills and experience. If I had resisted making necessary changes during that time, much of what I love about my life today wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t have met my husband and I wouldn’t be a mom to Issa, Riff, and Buddy.

So, my vote is for change. Embrace it. Stagnation doesn’t benefit anyone.